The Nodes are Back

Issue 1 – Page 12:  Switch, Router, and Server return from their fuzzy search by slingboxing their path control back to the data center.  After some softcooling, they conclude that the petaflop DVD they had encountered had left a ring tone in their audio/modem risers, causing a slashbox effect of malware throttling, packet mangling, and…Read moreRead more

Two Hours Later

Issue 1 – Page 11:  Wi and Fi poke around with a memory stick to determine what the nodes accessed during their proximity sensing. The least significant bit of the most significant bit was a DVD recorded in AlGorithmic language with a 2-hour common language run time that felt like a 6-hour access time. This…Read moreRead more

Don’t Mess with Al

Issue 1 – Page 10:  Certain that they may have overclocked their uptime, Switch, Router, and Server reload themselves into their i/o virtualization on the internet at an 8-level vestical sideband data rate. Meanwhile, the resident host nodes, Wi and Fi, Ediscover that hackerazzis have head-ended into their digital dolly and caused some serious location…Read moreRead more

Inconvenient Truth

Issue 1 – Page 9:  As the nodes boot up their safari search through the home network’s massive array of idle discs, they discover microfluids in the host’s hard drive. They also upload a porta-person powerpoint display of metabolomics — at least 50 jolaps long — that warns of a globality warm boot unless hotspot…Read moreRead more

Al Bore

Issue 1 – Page 8:  Router gets a leaderboard lock on the local host’s home page and uses home automation and networking cheat sheets to identify the government off-the-shelf local exchange carrier in Tennessee.  In a twisted nematic display of animated gif, artificial intelligence, and irrational numbers, the nodes discover that all annoyware algorithms lead…Read moreRead more

Duck Face

Issue 1 – Page 7:  Switch, Router, and Server — overstuffed with a nano-emissive display of transconductance — bask in the warm glow of data deduplication that flash rams their optical amplifiers. They sift through their version control to absorb the catalog of life that they just encountered, such as the screen pop of Schrodinger’s…Read moreRead more

The Download

Issue 1 – Page 6:  In a globbing cyber suck, Server ingests enough zettabytes in a grace hopper nanosecond that his zinc whiskers conficker right down to his catchment area. As he takes his download dump, Server fills his jitter buffer with so many jamcrackers that it causes data transfer throttling at the centrino of…Read moreRead more

Uber Network

Issue 1 – Page 5:  Switch, clearly concerned that Router’s remote operating will make him a motion tween, tells him in plain text that this is no time for placeshifting. Router reluctantly reboots his back orifice into his motherboard where at first he feels like a solenoid in solid state storage. But back in the…Read moreRead more

What The Frag?

Issue 1 – Page 4: As our data center chiller unfolds, Gil and Roy dimm the lights on their day of data fishing while each node begins to experience a self-provisioning download pop-up. Deep packet inspection leads to some real-time universal data access. Router starts unzipping and becomes unmounted as he debounces to the floor….Read moreRead more

California Roll

Issue 1 – Page 3:  Gil and Roy turnkey into an unshielded pair of packet loss and backscatter.  Silence suppression fills the room and in the dim silverlight a conformal coating of snowflaking swirls around their fuzzing heads. For a nanomoment, their carbon offset is almost shovelware ready. But the three nodes – Server, Router,…Read moreRead more